lost and lazy

I don't know why but lately I've become the laziest person ever.

It started when I became lazy to eat. Then I started to become very tired and I sleep for more than 10 hours, I woke up and didn't feel like eating so I sleep more and then I was too lazy to go to class. I started to realise that this is getting pretty worse when I feel lazy to PLAY GAME as well. I have tons of PC games that I can play, but I don't feel the excitement to play the game at all. I am also quite lazy to stalk people on my daily basis. Lastly, I am lazy to troll some of the people on the internet and laugh about it.

Then it has also affected my ibadah. I've become lazy to pray especially to wake up for Subuh. I tried to fight it, and most of the time I perform my prayer in last minute. I did sit and think about what had happened to me, try to muhasabah myself and all, thinking what have I possibly done to God especially. Is it my niat that drove me to the wrong path? Or is it because I've left my religion in injustice, since I didn't even put an effort to stop any wrong things that I have seen? Or because I've left reading the Quran for more than a month now?

I'm in my therapy season with Dr. Whatever. It's the psychiatrist that's been living in my head for many years, always helping me to center my mind again. Kidding, but yeah for many years I've been doing self-therapy, like when I brought myself into having extreme diet and initially having eating disorder back in 2007-2008. It's not easy to start eating again, because it's not the diet and extreme exercise routine that we need to destroy, it's the sense of control that has been living in my mind since I started to become obsess with my body image. Plus it's not easy when the self control leads you into self torture and mutilation. But at least I realised my problem sooner and luckily I can help myself out.

So to combat my feeling of laziness, I guess I need to start reading the Surah Al-Rahman daily, because it helps us to prevent ourself from being forgetful and lax. Actually the real word is lupa and lalai but I can't find the proper words for them. I think the reason why I become very lost right now is because I distance myself from God? Maybe I need to go home and meet my family?